In his book, Be a People Person, John Maxwell tells this story.

Mr. Myrick had to go to Chicago on business and persuaded his brother to take care of his cat during his absence. Though he hated cats, the brother agreed. Upon his return, Myrick called from the airport to check on the cat.

“Your cat died,” the brother reported, then hung up.

Myrick was inconsolable. His grief was magnified by his brother’s insensitivity, so he called again to express his pain.

“There was no need for you to be so blunt,” he said.

“What was I supposed to say?” asked the perplexed brother.

“You could have broken the news gradually,” explained Myrick. “You could have said, ‘The cat was playing on the roof.’ Then, later in the conversation, you could have said, ‘He fell off.’ Then you could have said, ‘He broke his leg.’ Then when I came to pick him up, you could have said, ‘I’m so sorry. You’re cat passed away during the night.’ You’ve got to learn to be more tactful.

“By the way, how’s Mom?

After a long pause, the brother replied, “She’s playing on the roof.”

Maxwell’s story addresses an issue that we all struggle with.  We struggle to be honest, candid straight forward with one another.  We either error on the side of being so blunt that it is perceived as being simply mean spirited or we candy coat the truth to where it is so sweet the person never hears it.

It isn’t like we don’t know what the truth is.  We waste no time telling everybody else what we are not willing to tell the person who needs to hear it.

I spend a good deal of time with couples who are preparing for marriage to help them communicate more honestly.  My first clue that they are afraid to level with one another is when the leave the question blank that read, “The one thing my spouse could improve on is……”

It is amazing to me the number of people who are not willing to put anything down.  Two years into the marriage and they will be asking if they can use the back of the paper to complete their list.

When I push them a bit on their reasons for leaving it blank their first line of response is, “No, really I can’t think of anything.”  Sometime at this point the other person will start creating the list for them – “What about the fact that I am slob, or I don’t like your mother, or I always leave the toilet seat up.”

Yeah, but those things don’t really matter.  Oh really.  You would be surprised on much they matter over the course of a life time.

The first response is denial – there is nothing I would change about you.

The second response is to minimize the truth – “It is no big thing” or “I feel stupid bringing it up.”

The third line of defense is to claim, “I was afraid if I said anything you would be mad or hurt.”

Jim Collins, the author of Good to Great, interviewed Admiral Jim Stockdale, the highest-ranking officer in the Hanoi Hilton prisoner of war camp during the height of the Vietnam War. Regarding the prisoner of war camp, Collins asked Stockdale, “Who didn’t make it out?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” answered Stockdale. “The optimists.”

“The optimists? I don’t understand,” responded Collins.

“The optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart. This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end which you can never afford to lose with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

The challenge with all of these responses is that the truth is left unspoken.  The truth is the most precious gem that exists in our lives.  It is why in our scripture lesson today Jesus is described as being full of the truth.  Later in John he is called the way, the life and the truth.  It is John who also reminds us that when we deal with the truth it sets us free.

I grew up with tension around truth telling.  My father taught me, “Son tell it like it is.  Call a spade a spade.  I never give him hell.  I just tell em the truth and think it is hell.”

My mother on the other hand would say, “If you can’t say anything nice it is better not to say anything at all.”

Our Bible Story today offers us a way out of this either or approach to truth telling when we learn that Jesus was full of grace and truth.  This is what St. Paul refers to as speaking the truth in love.  This kind of truth telling is hard work, done with sweaty palms but often yields great results.

I think of the time when Kim mustered up the courage to tell me, “I want you to know what I am about to say is not about blame, guilt or shame.  It is simply a reality.  The girls and I are no longer going to put our lives on hold because of your schedule.  We are going to choose to do things and if you can join us that will be a plus.  If not we will be doing them without you.”

Believe me I heard the truth but I also knew it was gracious truth and that is what made possible for me to hear it.  It also set our marriage free.  And I continue to wrestle with this truth.

Gracious truth telling is done with a tremendous amount of respect and care for the person to who the truth is directed at.  Gracious truth telling is intended to help a person come to grips with their denial or blind spots.   It is not about trying to put the person in their place or a game of power where the truth teller walks away saying, “I really told him.”

What is interesting in our culture is we often pay counselors lots of money to help us either speak the truth or hear the truth.  And what is humorous is when a person spends several months in therapy and then reports to the family some great revelations that the family has spent years trying to tell the guy.

Why didn’t you listen when I told you the same exact thing?

It is not like the boss that I once had who would say, It is clear to me that God clearly understand that what you and I need more than anything is life is to get a full dose of gracious truth.

What is a truth about your life that you need to have graciously dealt with?

What truth is it you need to graciously share with another?

And the word became flesh and dwelt among us full of grace and truth.

So, how can you help?  First, you can plan on attending the event.  Second, if you have access to items that would help at the silent auction, you can contact Dave at doitallnow@comcast.net or Todd at todd.hobart@comcast.net .  For more information, go to: rentoncares.com. We look forward to seeing you there!

Shamayim Larrivee was born in summer of 1995 in Vancouver, BC.  Her birth was a labor of love, combining a wide, flat mahogany fingerboard with a Florentine cutaway, all sewn together with a classical body of Rosewood and Spruce.  Her mother-of-pearl inlay was simple and elegant.  Her case was sturdy, and provided her a safe respite between playing times.

She arrived with some fanfare to Lee Valley Ranch in South Dakota.  Her partner in music, Gretchen, was overjoyed with her strength and clean tone, and her ability to tune perfectly and present a steel-string shimmer that rivaled any Martin.  Her unique shape and glossy finish were the envy of all the other guitars and their partners.  After some trial gigs and coffee shop appearances, Shammie was ready for the races.

Her childhood and adolescence came quickly with a year of hard work touring on the road. Her first ding was given to her courtesy of Henry and her own buckled case.  Shammie and Gretchen played every day.  They played in South Dakota, Montana, Idaho, Washington, Oregon, California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Wisconsin, Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, North Dakota, and more.  They played their hearts out.

After that year of craziness, Gretchen didn’t know what to do with herself musically, and so Shammie was left in her case for the better part of a year.  It was a sad time.  Eventually, Gretchen was asked to play, and so she dusted off the case, changed Shammie’s strings, and they remembered who they were. They would ride the train to the suburbs every Sunday and play for the church and the children who would sing with them.  They started playing music in Chicago at Border’s, and people listened to them.

When Gretchen decided to go back to school, Shammie was her companion and comfort, and also her way into the world of the Lutheran Rockstars.  They played for National Youth Gathering workshops, and for Youth Encounter events.  They recorded a demo in Minneapolis, and Shammie had a brief affair with Kernsey.  Gretchen didn’t mind though — they worked so well together.  They played gigs together all over the country, and had photo shoots.  They played in Florida, Philadelphia, New York, Washington DC, Ohio, Georgia, California, and St. Louis.  They joined the organization ‘Churchnoise’ and loved the camaraderie they found with other pairs of musicians.

The demo that they recorded together in Minneapolis and released in St. Louis managed to grease the wheels for them to get a call to serve together in Madison, Wisconsin at Bethel Lutheran Church.  In Madison, Shammie had her golden age of creativity and recording.  She and Gretchen worked with the band “The Pull” and recorded two records together, with more love and soul than anything they had done before.  Shammie inspired Gretchen to write and write and write, and the songs were good.  People sang with them, and they won awards.  Eventually, Shammie needed a re-fret, and the weeks that they were apart were very hard.  But they were reunited and the chemistry of creation continued.  Shammie’s case started coming apart at the seams from all the travel and abuse, but with the help of some carpet tape, it stayed together and remained her sanctuary of blue velvet and peace.  In the summer of 2004, they traveled to Europe, and they played in Berlin, Cracow, Prague, Vienna, and throughout the eastern countryside.

One day, Gretchen found another pair to play with, Ryan and his bass, and Shammie loved them.  Together, the four of them moved to Seattle to find even more music and love.  St. Matthew’s Lutheran Church took to the foursome right away, and asked them to stay and play as much as they were able.  They worked together, and played in a bunch of different bands.  Most recently, Shammie helped Gretchen and Krysta to record an album called Christmas Vibe.

On February 18, 2010, Shammie went missing.  Gretchen feels as if she’s lost a best friend and companion.  How do sum up the loss of a musical partner?  “She was my first real guitar, and we were together for fifteen years.  We weathered many states, romances, recordings, and performances.  She was reliable, sturdy, and had great intonation.  I don’t really know how I’m going to begin to replace her.  I don’t think I can think of it that way.  It’s really the end of a relationship, and I’m going to have to discover a new relationship with a new instrument.  I hope that whoever has her knows what they’ve got, and treats her with care and respect.”

If you find any information about this guitar, or see it somewhere, please email pastorgretchensguitars@gmail.com.

http://www.lutherstable.org

Rock on,

Gretchen

1995 Larrivee Custom: Classical body shape with sharp cutaway.  Extra wide fingerboard and Fishman bridge pickup.  Matched spruce top, rosewood back and sides.  Mother-of-Pearl soundhole inlay.  Huge wear spot above the soundhole by the fingerboard – looks like someone took a chisel to it.  (That’d be me.) Case looks like it’s been through WWIII – held together with brown carpet tape and stickers.

Gretsch G5120: Bright orange, looks brand new.  Bigby bridge.  Case doesn’t have a scratch on it.

Here’s a link to a picture and description of the church’s keyboard:

Roland – Fantom X8

Thanks for your help in trying to find my lost loves!!

Here are some trends.

1.)    We continue to attract visitors and new members

2.)   We are seeing an increase in the number of giving units and amount pledged.

3.)    We are raising up new and highly committed leaders

4.)    We are ministering to more people than ever before through our outreach ministries

5.)    Support  for special appeals continues to express great generosity

6.)    We continue to receive by far a majority of positive comments about the preaching, music and special services – advent, lent, baptism, weddings, and funerals.

Then along comes worship attendance and it is trending downward at all three services.  The reason the trend has caught my attention is that it appears to be running against the grain of the overall movement at SMLC.  I am not sure what it means and I want to invite your observations.

My own hunch is what we are experiencing is a growing generation of households that are comprised of very active people who struggle to juggle the many opportunities that are worthy of their time and investment.

In February I cited in my sermon a group of highly involved, deeply committed lay leaders who are giving generously of their time and talents.  Only two were present in church that day and I am confident that had good reasons why there were not.

It is too soon to know how to respond to this trend.  It is not earth shattering at this point but it is an indication that there is some seismic activity taking place. I think we have to live with it for awhile before we discover whether the church is taking on a new shape.

Share with me what you think this trend means and what you think the church will look like as we enter a new decade.

Thursday March 18  7—9 pm with Pastor Kirby

Do you enjoy conflict? Who does? This class is a repeat of that offered last September, exploring the challenge of “conflict” and how it can not only be handled effectively, but in ways that enhance communication.

Most SMLC staff members have already participated in this class and found it useful. All staff (full and part time) who have not yet participated are asked to attend this class. Anyone in a leadership role at SMLC is strongly encouraged to be there. But anyone who encounters conflict is welcome!,

Please sign up at the Welcome Table or RSVP to Pr. Kathryn at kathryn.buffum@comcast.net